For You
by Kamui Kinomoto
Summary: Gingetsu is meant for Lan and Lan is meant for Gingetsu, agree?


FOR YOU  
A Clover fanfiction.   
Author: Kamui Kinomoto  
Pairing: Gingetsu/Lan  
Disclaimers: "Clover" belongs to CLAMP, the song "For You" is sung by THE   
CALLING.  
A/N: This fic contains shounen-ai and attempted yaoi. I really love the   
Gingetsu/Lan pairing and if you do, too, please read this fic! This is super  
long but I think... it's all worth it?? Tee-hee! ^^  
  
*****FOR YOU*****  
  
//I am a vision//  
  
Gingetsu was the Lieutenant Colonel of the Special Colors Battalion. He worked   
for the Wizards and was a "two-leaf Clover". He also was Ryuu Fei Kazuhiko's   
commanding officer and could be considered as a friend to him, though he didn't   
make it visible. The Wizards often gave him all sorts of missions and he   
accepted it without hesitating. Gingetsu was rather cold and was emotionless.   
His eyes were often hidden behind those dark visors to conceal all his feelings.   
He lived all alone in his "house".   
  
//I am justice//  
  
"Lieutenant Colonel Gingetsu, find the three-leaf clover." This was one mission   
given to Gingetsu. To find the three-leaf clover. The second most powerful in   
the world. So as the order said, he looked for the three-leaf clover.  
  
//…Never thought that I could love.//  
  
~~flashback~~   
  
Kazuhiko and Gingetsu were in Gingetsu's house. Kazuhiko was pulling out grocery   
items from the grocery paper bag while Gingetsu was just sitting, watching what   
his so-called-aide was doing.   
  
"I've discovered another recipe. Taste it whether you like it or not." Kazuhiko   
told Gingetsu in a twitting tone. Quiet as always, Gingetsu didn't mind to   
answer Kazuhiko knowing that even if he says "no", he would still be forced to   
eat Kazuhiko's newly discovered recipe. It was normal for him.   
  
"Hey. Can you react for once, Gingetsu?"  
  
"Do I have a choice?"  
  
Kazuhiko just smiled. He already got what was Gingetsu trying to point out. He   
felt that Gingetsu was not in the mood this time. Feeling he should do something   
better to cool his friend, he sat beside him while pushing the grocery items   
away from the table in front of him and Gingetsu. He placed his palm under his   
cheek and looked at Gingetsu like he was trying to annoy him. But as usual,   
Gingetsu didn't mind and just looked still.  
  
"Find a girlfriend. It might change you." Kazuhiko cracked to the Lieutenant   
Colonel. But cold as he always was, Gingetsu refused to react. Kazuhiko was   
ready to hit Gingetsu on the head for ignoring him but a miracle happened.   
  
"How?" Gingetsu asked Kazuhiko. He wasn't really interested but he knew that   
Kazuhiko was really a stubborn man. He would not stop unless he got what he   
wanted from him. Hearing Gingetu's voice, Kazuhiko's seemingly smirking-grin   
turned into a full innocent smile.  
  
"Finally! How could it change you? Well… it's a great feeling when you have   
someone to spend the stressing day with. It could make you feel comfy. I feel   
great every time I'm with Oruha. Let me find you one. You're so cold, almost   
everyone can barely reach you. Love's a strong feeling. You sure need one."   
Surely that was unlikely of Kazuhiko to talk with Gingetsu about love because he   
no doubt knew that Gingetsu wasn't interested at all about such sort of things.   
But Kazuhiko said it anyways, wanting to know what would be Gingetsu's reaction   
about a statement he knew he shouldn't had told him. But it was there. He had to   
wait for Gingetsu's response. He knew in one way or another, Gingetsu would   
reply.   
  
"I can feel comfy all by myself." Gingetsu replied. Kazuhiko knew that he might   
really hear that kind of answer from Gingetsu. But then, he hoped for something   
more than that… something more meaningful that will delve the inner feelings of   
the silver-haired man.  
  
"I'll find you a hot one."  
  
"Thanks. But I don't need one. I have no time… at all."   
  
Kazuhiko already knew that he lost with Gingetsu. He stood up again and   
continued arranging the grocery items he bought. "I give up. You won, Gingetsu."  
  
"For once I won. Ryuu." Gingetsu then adjusted his visors, still emotionless.  
  
"No one can live alone."  
  
"I can."  
  
"No you can't. If I were not here, you might be nuts by now. Wanna bet?"  
  
"I never asked you to be here."  
  
Kazuhiko just grinned again and went to the kitchen to cook his new recipe and   
planned that later then, he will shove everything in the Colonel's mouth.   
  
"You'll never change… but… you *might* actually change…" Kazuhiko whispered to   
himself with Gingetsu in his mind.   
  
~~end of flashback~~   
  
//Living in shadows…   
Late in existence//  
  
Rains were falling. Eight men were dead, strung from the hanging electrical   
wires. There stand the Colonel, unshielded from the rain, looking at a young boy   
with black hair. The young lad returning the stare. He looked helpless. He soon   
started to fell. "I won't… go back…" He whispered before he lost his   
consciousness. Gingetsu approached him.   
  
…So this was the "three-leaf clover"…   
  
Gingetsu accomplished the mission of finding the boy.   
  
//…It was never good enough.//  
  
"Pedophile! You… you do have things for kid, don't you?! Okay… kids do grow up."   
Kazuhiko chuckled, looking at the raven-haired boy that Gingetsu took home with   
him. "What's his name?" the man with eyeglasses asked the man with dark visors.  
  
"Lan." Gingetsu answered plainly. But "Lan" seemed to misunderstand the given   
name. He stood there, wondering. Of course his name was not "Lan" for his name   
was plain "C". But then… it was Gingetsu who gave him the name "Lan"… More to   
that, he was the one who saved him and took him faraway from the laboratory   
institute. So C, or Lan now, thought that it would be better to just go with the   
flow. Of course Gingetsu knew best. He always did.   
  
"Color of the secret battalion, huh?" Kazuhiko stated.  
  
//Within the darkness,   
You are the light that shines a way//  
  
Night had fallen and Gingetsu had just finished with the tons of works befallen   
after him. No doubt, Gingetsu finally felt tired. He had finished all his works   
so it was time for him to take his sleep. He tried to arrange the paper works   
atop of his table but he hardly can. He couldn't even stand from his sitting   
position. He let his hand wander on the table, still insisting himself to   
arrange all those things before he could go to a sound sleep. But this was too   
much! Unexpectedly, his head fell atop of the table, and after few minutes, he   
was asleep.   
  
"Gingetsu…?" Outside his room stood Lan.   
  
His hand was raised; fist closed, ready to toss the wooden door in front of him.  
  
"Gingetsu…?" He repeated. But there was no answer from inside. Lan didn't want   
to bother Gingetsu with his works, but he felt that it would be nice if he will   
offer him some help. Even just a little help to ease Gingetsu's burdens.  
  
Hearing no answers from his call, Lan finally decided to knock on the door.   
  
… But still there was no answer.   
  
Lan felt odd because it was unlikely for Gingetsu to ignore his call. Sure   
Gingetsu seemed to be very cold but it was just… outside. Lan knew that inside,   
Gigetsu wasn't a self-centered man. He truly wasn't. It showed. It was showed   
and always being showed to him.  
  
After few more minutes, Lan had already decided to open the door. He was afraid   
that Gingetsu might get angry with him but he didn't care. All his concern now   
was why Gingetsu didn't respond with his call.   
  
Gingetsu was there, safe, sleeping. Lan couldn't help but to let out a satisfied   
sigh. His "caretaker" was asleep.   
  
"Goodnight, Gingetsu." He whispered with a content smile on his lips. But he   
felt pity for the other man's sleeping position. It was uncomfortable to sleep   
while sitting and had the wooden table instead of a soft pillow.   
  
So thinking for about a hundredth of time, Lan came up with the decision to wake   
Gingetsu up and make him transfer to the bed.  
  
"Gingetsu… wake up… I'll help you move to the bed." Lan shook the older man's   
shoulder, trying his very best to be moderate with him. He heard a soft moan   
coming from Gingetsu's lips indicating that he had recovered some of his   
consciousness. Lan was stopped from what he was doing and then took a glimpse on   
Gingetsu's face. He looked more kind when he's sleeping, he thought. But   
Gingetsu was also kind when he's awake and Lan loved that the best.   
  
"Lan…?" Gingetsu managed to say though he still felt very exhausted, hungry for   
sleep or rest.   
  
"Yes… I'm very sorry to interrupt with your sleep but I think it will be better   
if you'll slumber in your bed. Here… let me help you."  
  
Lan put Gingetsu's arm around his shoulder and helped him to balance. Gingetsu   
was rather heavy for Lan's size but the determination to help his roommate was   
the heaviest. Sooner, Gingetsu was lying on his bed, Lan helping him to have a   
better position. After some more minutes, Lan was happy with Gingetsu's stance.   
Better than the former.   
  
Lan was ready to go back to his own room but he realized that Gingetsu was   
moving. So he looked back at the older man.   
  
Gingetsu was moving his visor away. Then his eyes fled open.   
  
"Lan…" He said catching the youngster's attention.   
  
"Y—yes…?" Lan made his way back closer to Gingetsu.   
  
"What were you doing here…?"  
  
Lan shrieked a bit. He was scared of what Gingetsu might tell him.  
  
"I'm so… s—sorry… I came in without your permission. I just… thought of offering   
you some help… I… didn't want to bother you but… I was worried… you know… I…"   
Lan was trembling. His lips were quivering and he can do nothing but to look   
downward and apology. It was really a rude thing to come inside of someone's   
room without that person's permission but… Lan was just a child. He couldn't   
help but to worry, and to find out if Gingetsu was okay, he had to come in.   
  
"Make me a tea. Also make one for your own if you want to. We'll drink it here."   
Gingetsu's voice was plain normal, liked all the weariness inside of him just   
decided to fade away. He stared at a surprised Lan. The kid was speechless.   
  
"I'll go make." There was no reply from Lan so Gingetsu just thought of making   
tea himself. Lan might not know how to make tea that was why he didn't react.   
But before the silver-haired colonel could move, Lan gently pushed him back.  
  
"N—no! Sorry! I was a bit spaced-out! It's okay! I'll go get ourselves some   
tea!" Lan smiled and made his way outside. Leaving Gingetsu stared it wonder.   
"Spaced-out…? By what?"   
  
Lan was nothing but an innocent child. Gingetsu thought of it for a million   
times already and he could not help but to care for him. He knew Lan was unique;   
he was the only one able to made the tiredness fade away from his system. No   
doubt Lan pleased him… Like no one else had ever did.  
  
//You're trapped in violence (In this blind justice)//  
  
Few more months had passed…  
  
Lan was sitting on the couch; he was peacefully listening to Oruha's beautiful   
song. Truly, it calmed him a lot. Especially when he's waiting for Gingetsu.   
Oftentimes, when Gingetsu's not yet home, he worried a lot because Gingetsu, how   
he wished not, might be in some sorts of danger involving his works. Lan knew   
that Gingetsu was a strong man and he would not get himself in trouble, but he   
couldn't help but to fear. Not actually fear but… care. Care and concern for the   
older man. And admittedly, love.   
  
While soothing his soul with Oruha's peaceful voice, he suddenly felt uncertain.   
Looking around for the source of his uncertainty, Lan suddenly saw A, one of his   
twin brother, appeared before him.   
  
Lan was very flabbergasted upon seeing A in front of him. There was no way this   
should be happening! He had already left A in their cage in the Clover Research   
Laboratory Institute months ago! And that was "goodbye"! Plus he was certain   
that the Wizards would not let A left the cage even for just a short while   
because they knew that he could be very dangerous. Not only "could" but "would"!   
  
"W--- what are you doing here…? A?!" Lan asked his brother gasping for air. His   
eyes were beaming not because of delight but because of shock.  
  
A just stood there, glaring at Lan. His lips looked so inapt; his eyes very   
callous. "Aren't you glad to see me…? C?" He asked bluntly, his eyes were glued   
to Lan.  
  
"It's not that…! I-- was just surprised…!" Lan gulped thickly, his thin bangs   
already astray in his forehead.   
  
"That was my plan. To surprise you, brother."  
  
"How--- I… I mean… Why?!"  
  
A questionably raised one of his eyebrows. " 'Why'? What kind of question was   
that?"  
  
"You shouldn't be here! You did escape, didn't you!?"  
  
"C…?"  
  
Lan's fingers started to quiver. "Why are you here?!"  
  
"Because I miss you. I want to see you. And… I will get you."  
  
"But I supposed we've already talked about this!"  
  
"Yes… but… it's not easy. I love you so much, C. I can't let you go. Especially…   
when I'm aware that you're with that man. I hate him very much. I'm jealous   
because you make him happy. I know you love him, C, and I don't tolerate that!   
You should love me best!"  
  
"But I love you best!"  
  
"I know. But… it ain't enough."  
  
Lan started to step back, wanting to move away from A. "What do you mean, A?"  
  
"I want you to love me the best. And love me… only. You shall love no one but me   
because I'm your brother and I love you the best. That's why I killed B because   
you love him, too, because he was also your brother. I don't like that! You are   
just mine. Always. Always mine. Not B's… not the Lieutenant Colonel's. You   
hear?" A just stood-still, not caring that Lan was actually trying to move away   
from him. "You'll not go anywhere else because if you do, I'll kill the   
Lieutenant Colonel when he arrives here. Not that I'll not kill him when you   
stay here, of course I'll still have his head but… just want you to know."  
  
"You are so selfish!" Lan hollered with tears collected in his ebony-eyes.   
  
"Selfish? Am not. I'm just taking good care of my possession."   
  
"A… why…?"  
  
"C, come with me. I sincerely promise that I'll not kill the lieutenant colonel.   
Just… go back with me in our cage. We'll be happy… forever. And if you stay   
here… you'll die. You do know that, don't you…?"  
  
Lan slowly bowed his head down; his bangs were now covering his ebony-eyes and   
crystalline tears. "I do… and you also do know that I do know that fact. I'll   
still stay here."   
  
"You choose to die instead of going back in the laboratory with me?! That is   
because you love that lieutenant colonel very much! Now the best!"  
  
"NO!" With that, A's seemingly cold expression transformed into anger. He   
narrowed his gaze at Lan and clenched his teeth. "I've told you. I'll kill that   
person you love the best though it also does mean that you'll die. C, if I'll   
not have you, no one will ever do."  
  
With the statement that A affirmed, Lan could already feel cold shivered down   
his thin spines. He quickly looked back at A and his eyes were shocked, fixed to   
him. He could tell that his teeth were already shuddering. Oblivious to Lan's   
anxiousness, A slowly stepped forward, wanting to reach Lan.   
  
With a devious smile, A gave the declaration, "we'll be together again now… C…"   
  
//…I can be the man,   
Who saves the day//  
  
"Lan. That's his name." The automatic correction of C's new name was given to A.   
The alteration came from Gingetsu's mouth, the two-leaf clover.   
  
"G--- gingetsu!!" Lan excitedly screamed his caretaker's name but with a mix of   
big amount agonize. A while ago, he practiced in front of the mirror seven times   
on how to greet Gingetsu 'Okaeri' with a wonderful smile but it seemed that it   
was no time for *that* right now.   
  
"Good. So I see you again. I've been waiting for you, Lieutenant Colonel   
Gingetsu of the Secret Colors Battalion; the Wizards' slave."  
  
"That's not true!" Lan shouted to A because he felt that it might have insulted   
Gingetsu and he didn't want that.  
  
"I'll be the one to greet you 'okaeri' since C has no will to greet you that   
right now. Okae----"   
  
"Lan. He's Lan. Lan. You hear? L-A-N, Lan. And Though you look exactly alike, I   
still prefer Lan to greet me that 'Okaeri'.."  
  
With that, Lan was able to forced out a smile to Gingetsu and greeted him   
softly, "Okaeri…, Gingetsu." That was not the one he had practiced some hours   
ago but he thought that Gingetsu might actually appreciated that. Much to Lan's   
thoughts, Gingetsu in fact did appreciate that because after all of what was   
happening, meaning A being in the scene, Lan still managed to made Gingetsu   
exultant inside.   
  
Exchanging passionate stares, the potential couple had already forgotten about   
A's presence, managing to made A's blood boil to the fullest. His cool anger   
turned into green with envy and he immediately rushed to where Gingetsu was   
standing.   
  
Lan gasped upon seeing A's first move, "No! A!! Gingetsu!"   
  
Gingetsu's calm stare at Lan suddenly changed into surprised with Lan's abrupt   
warning. He moved his gaze from Lan to A and saw Lan's twin running towards him,   
furious. "Damn you!!! You took my brother away from me! I can't let him love   
you! You'll pay dearly for seducing him!"  
  
A got himself a weapon and started to attack Gingetsu. He was just a boy but he   
was so powerful. Gingetsu slowly stepped back for defense from A's attack. The   
first time A tried to kill him was quite flimsy though A did manage to gave him   
a wound. Now, Gingetsu wouldn't let that happen to him again. He knew that he   
was nothing against the boy because he was just a two-leaf clover and his   
age-gap with A was not an advantage at all. But he would try. What was the use   
of him being a Lieutenant Colonel if he will lost against a boy?   
  
"STOP, A! GINGETSU!" Lan couldn't do anything but to scream A's and Gingetsu's   
name. He was very much confused and afraid.  
  
Before A could stab Gingetsu's right arm, the Lieutenant immediately snared A's   
arm which held the weapon and twisted it to his favor. "Argh! Let go!" Gingetsu   
also got A's weapon and threw it away. The ebony-haired boy couldn't do anything   
but to stand the pain of his small arm being distorted. Gingetsu realized that   
his height and size were his advantages. He looked at Lan and found him weeping.   
  
"G-- Gingetsu… I hated A for attempting to hurt you… But I… I still love him.   
He's my brother… Please… do--- don't hurt him… Don't…" Lan was already   
whimpering until he fell onto his knees. A stared at him, his eyes were now   
already filled with tears. "C…"  
  
"I won't." Gingetsu answered to Lan's plea.   
  
Lan was surprised to hear that and he immediately raised his head to see   
Gingetsu, his cheeks stained with tears. "Gingetsu….?"  
  
"I won't until Sage Shuu commands me to. You don't want me to hurt him?"   
  
"Yes…"  
  
"Then I won't."  
  
A looked back at Gingetsu, his facial expression already gentle. "Why? You   
already have my head and all you have to do is to get it. Why don't you kill   
me?" Gingetsu stared at him also, still cold. "Because Lan doesn't want me to."   
He looked at the boy with his eyes hidden in his visors. It was such a shame to   
hold a boy's arm, almost breaking it. Especially that the youth looked very much   
alike with the one he took care of everyday. Somehow, he felt that it was Lan he   
was harshly gripping, and he hated himself for that. "…And I don't want to." He   
finished.   
  
Lan and A were quite wordless now. They already had the same air on their faces,   
making them unmistakably looking so much alike. Both of them just could stare at   
Gingetsu. Silence.   
  
Until A decided to break the ice, "Why do you not want to?"   
  
Gingetsu let go of A's arm and turned the boy to face him. He knelt in front of   
A and gently placed his long hands on it's shoulders. A blushed a bit. "Do you   
want me to kill you?"  
  
"It would be better if you do that. Since C no longer loves me the best, and   
since I can't kill you because of that, my life is now meaningless."   
  
"But do you want me to kill you?"  
  
"No…"  
  
"Why?" Gingetsu realized that talking with A was like talking with Lan so he   
decided to continue with his usual simple asking.  
  
"Because… if you kill me…. If you…" A could hardy bring about an answer and   
Gingetsu understood that. So he decided to reveal the possible answer from his   
own point of view, "Because if I'll kill you, you'll no longer be able to see   
your beloved brother. Am I right?"  
  
Lan gulped at that, looking at the two persons he loved the best.   
  
A paused for a while. He was tempted to reach for Gingetsu's cheek and touch it   
but fortunately for him, he was able to cease himself. He felt odd because come   
to think of it, Gingetsu looked good. Now what was this he was feeling? Slowly,   
he gave Gingetsu a nod. "You are right…" Gingetsu also nodded then stood up,   
still his eyes glued to Lan's twin.  
  
"Go back to the research institute before the Wizards discern that you have   
escaped," Gingetsu told A.  
  
"But---!"  
  
"I will take care of Lan if you'll go back. I promise. You have my word. This is   
a pledge between two men."  
  
Lan was surprised to hear that from the sterling-haired man. A pledge? Between   
two men?   
  
"You do promise?" A asked Gingetsu back.   
  
"I do. Kill me if you think that I don't take care of Lan enough."   
  
"L-- love my brother… because I love him so much… I'll… kill you if something   
bad happen to him. I will not… forget the promise you made. C heard that." A   
looked at a flustered Lan, "C, I can feel when you are lonely. Because we are   
one. If I feel that you feel sad, I'll come back again and kill this man. You'll   
not stop me. Promise me you'll not stop me."  
  
Lan was trying to let go of his breath but nothing would come out from his   
mouth. Gingetsu also looked at him and gave him an affirmative nod, convincing   
Lan to answer A.  
  
"But… Gingetsu…?" He was like asking Gingetsu.  
  
"Give your brother what he wants."  
  
Lan swallowed and gazed back at A. He slowly walked towards A and immediately   
embraced him, made them look like Gemini. Lan had stopped crying. With the   
embrace, A suddenly felt the warmness of his bother in him… and he started to   
sob and embrace Lan back. "I… promise…" Lan assured A.  
  
"W-- well then…" Upon hearing Lan's promise, A felt contented and gently removed   
Lan's arms around him and faced the older man again. This time, A held on   
Gingetsu's cheek, managing to surprised the elder. But Gingetsu rather tried to   
ignore it and maintain his character.   
  
"Keep your promise. The two of you. " A started to walk backwards, away from   
Gingetsu and Lan while Lan was moving to Gingetsu's side then clasped onto his   
arms. The two of them were looking straight at A.   
  
"C--"  
  
"Lan." Gingetsu corrected again. A was startled for a moment but decided to   
smile, a pleasant smile and said, "I'm sorry… Lan, don't give the Lieutenant too   
much trouble."  
  
Lan didn't quite get what was his brother trying to point out, but after few   
seconds of contemplating, he smiled and nodded. "I won't."  
  
Slowly, A started to fade away, with the pleasant smile still glued on his lips.   
"See you… soon…"  
  
Lan didn't think so.  
  
//I'm there for you  
No matter what//  
I'm there for you…   
Never giving up  
I'm there for you…   
For you.//  
  
Lan was having so many nightmares as of late and Gingetsu could not help it but   
to care for the young boy. He let the boy stay in his room not only if he wanted   
to but also every night to make sure Lan would be okay.   
  
"Gingetsu, am I bothersome for you?" Lan asked one night, looking at the man's   
serious face. His head was lying on Gingetsu's lap while Gingetsu was sitting in   
the bed.  
  
"Do you want to hear my answer?"  
  
"Yes…" Slowly, Lan begun to lift himself but still looking at Gingetsu's face.  
  
"No matter what it is?"  
  
"All I want is to hear it…"  
  
"No. Not even once."  
  
Lan smiled with that, his heart shouting happiness. He gently rested his head   
onto Gingetsu's broad shoulder and thought he had nothing more to ask for.   
"Thank you…"  
  
It was a wonderful movement.  
  
… Then came a wonderful night.  
  
//Someone has changed me//  
  
Two years after, Lan was still staying with Gingetsu. Nothing much had changed.   
Except Lan's physical appearance. Now, it was like he already was sixteen years   
old or in his early-twenties. But nothing inside him had changed, he was still   
the innocent and naïve boy that Gingetsu took care of every now and then.   
  
Lan was on his bedroom, looking at the lights behind the windows. Truly, not one   
would light for the sake of him. But then, he always had in his head what   
Gingetsu had told him: "If you don't have a light of your own, light one for   
yourself."  
  
Gingetsu was in a restaurant with Kazuhiko. They had just finished all their   
works and were just loosening up. Gingetsu reached for his cup of tea and drunk   
it unwitting. He let the liquid travel inside his mouth then later swallowed it   
gently. Kazuhiko was not drinking at all; he was just staring at Gingetsu,   
smiling. Both of them had never said a word after sitting in there. Gingetsu had   
his fourth cup of tea while Kazuhiko had just finished his first, still staring   
at his commanding officer.   
  
After a couple of minutes, Gingetsu decided to give a word to Kazuhiko before he   
could even melt. "What?"  
  
Kazuhiko blinked at that, surprised. "Whoa!"  
  
"I asked you 'what'. Don't give me 'whoa' for an answer."  
  
Kazuhiko's smile widened even more, his eyes beaming, "That was… unbelievable,   
Gingetsu! You were the first one to break the eerie silence! I thought we'd   
leave the restaurant without even sorting small things out." The former military   
official excitedly stole Gingetsu's fifth cup of tea and drunk it. Gingetsu   
could only stare while Kazuhiko drunk his "supposedly-tea", "That's mine."  
  
"Oh yeah! I know! Gingetsu, do you still remember the conversation we had on   
your house two years ago?"  
  
"We had at least three conversations everyday two years ago. Which of those?"  
  
Kazuhiko chuckled silently then sipped from Gingetsu's cup of tea again. "The   
conversation we had weeks before Lan came into your life."   
  
"Then?"  
  
"You said… you can live alone. Other than that, when you gave the statement that   
you have no time to have a lover."  
  
"I hold onto that statement until now. I have no lover."  
  
Kazuhiko placed his chin under his palm then smirked, "You don't have a hot   
girlfriend but you do have a hot lover. When you first met the kid, he was but a   
child, very innocent that you shouldn't touch him because a case of child abuse   
might be filed to you. Hey, hey, but now, he's so grown-up and he is very   
good-looking that those girls outside are drooling for him. But… he's only for   
you."  
  
//Something saved me//  
  
"Shut up." Gingetsu ordered one cup of green tea again then drunk it as fast as   
possible before Ryuu could steal it away again. "Let's go," he urged.   
  
"Later. I know that Lan's waiting for you but he's not a kid any more, he can be   
left alone there for a while. I know he'll feel happy if I'll confessed to him   
the things we'll be chatting about."  
  
"Will be chatting… about?"  
  
"You know, you've changed a lot," Kazuhiko commented but he was given no special   
reaction. He waited but came none, so he just sighed, the playful smirk faded   
away from his lips and he looked seriously this time at his friend, "You've   
changed a lot, Gingetsu. Weeks ago, you're always impulsive to finish your works   
so that you can eat dinner with Lan because you know that he cooked it and he   
will be disappointed if you'll not eat with him. Years before he dashed into   
your life, you didn't even give a damn about what others feel about you."   
Kazuhiko moved his face closer to Gingetsu and looked straight through the   
visors, wanting to see even just an allusion of Gingetsu's mirror to soul. He   
continued, "And minutes ago, you were the one who broke the ice! I thought we'll   
leave this restaurant without even dropping a word but you did. Lan's a gift to   
you, isn't he?"  
  
"I don't get the point."   
  
"You care for him A LOT because you have fallen in love with him."   
  
"I care for him because I was ordered to."  
  
"Gingetsu, he made you human. You have feelings now that you have always thought   
you will never have. Accept the truth."  
  
Gingetsu stood up, still looking at Ryuu Fei, "Lan might worry."  
  
Inside the lieutenant, he merely knew that Kazuhiko made a point… gave him a   
true statement. All he needed to do was… realized it himself. But… when would   
he?  
  
//… Now this is who I am//  
  
Stepping inside his house, Gingetsu felt something vague. Where was Lan? It was   
a nature of Lan to greet Gingetsu 'okaeri' before he could even have his two   
first steps inside. But tonight, Lan wasn't there to. Gingetsu stood there for a   
couple of minutes, until he heard soft panting coming from the kitchen. He   
quickly moved his way to it and saw Lan staring in horror at his pale fingers,   
stained with his crimson blood.   
  
"Lan? What happened?"   
  
At the same time, those bloodstained fingers were trembling. Lan tilted his head   
to look at Gingetsu and upon seeing the older man, he already felt tranquility   
inside him. He spontaneously tried his very best to give Gingetsu a wonderful   
smile. "Okaeri, Gingetsu…"  
  
Gingetsu walked towards Lan and stood in front of him. He saw different   
ingredients and vegetables around and also discovered that Lan was preparing to   
cook. "Right hand," he said, commanding.   
  
Lan just smiled and took his hand on his own, "No… it's pretty okay. I just   
wounded myself with the knife while I was slicing these tomatoes."  
  
"But it has plenty of bloodstains."  
  
"No… You are just exaggerating. It's okay. Any minute now it will start clotting   
and the blood will refrain from flowing."  
  
"Right hand." Gingetsu commanded again despite Lan's assurance. Lan was startled   
at first but he decided that it would be better to obey his caretaker.   
  
"At first look it's like you intentionally cut yourself." The Lieutenant left   
the kitchen to go to his room and get his first-aid kit at once. It had been   
very useful for him and often utilized since the day Lan came because the   
innocent juvenile usually put himself into different kind of inconveniences.   
When he went back, he immediately took Lan's right hand and gently rubbed the   
parts with bloodstains with the help of wet cotton. "Does it afflicts the   
wound?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"The water?"  
  
Lan gave Gingetsu a gentle stare, his cheeks blushing, "No… not at all…"  
  
Gingetsu continued removing the crimson liquid on Lan's fingers. Soon, he was   
caressing it, "Does it hurt?"  
  
It didn't hurt at all. Lan actually felt good with Gingetsu's hand caressing   
his. He could ask for nothing more. He felt they could go on forever like this.   
"No… not at the least."  
  
Gingetsu smoothly started to cover up Lan's hand with that white bondage while   
Lan's gentle gaze was still locked at Gingetsu's face. "Gingetsu…"  
  
After Lan's fingers were all cleaned up and protected with bondage, Gingetsu   
looked down at the youngster, their eyes meeting. Lan blush turned redder and   
all he could do was gulp. "Do you feel safe now?" Gingetsu asked.  
  
"Always…"  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Very…"  
  
"Next time, take better care of yourself."  
  
"What do you mean, Gingetsu?"  
  
"I might not be here always to protect you."  
  
"I know that…"   
  
"I'll cook."  
  
"T-- Thank you so much…"  
  
Gingetsu left Lan there and continued the cooking for the three-leaf clover,   
while Lan was standing there still, amazed by Gingetsu's   
'trying-hard-to-hide-kindness'. Still cheeks burning-red, he closed his eyes and   
whispered, "Gingetsu…"  
  
On the other side of the kitchen where the Lieutenant was cleaning some of Lan's   
left mess, he opened his palm, stared at it, then later brushed it at his lips.  
  
"Lan…"   
  
//I know I was blinded//  
  
Later that evening, Gingetsu was faced again by his usual paper works. They had   
just finished eating dinner a while ago and it was indeed a very quiet way to   
eat, or intimate in other words. Lan was not able to bring up a conversation   
because he was rather ashamed by the trouble he gave Gingetsu just right after   
the man arrived. Gingetsu, too, didn't bring up a conversation, an obvious   
nature of his character.  
  
Hours had passed when Lan knocked on his door, "Gingetsu, I have here a cup of   
coffee for you."  
  
"Come in if you want to."   
  
Of course, Lan wanted to, that was why he made a cup of coffee as an excuse just   
to be able to enter Gingetsu's room. So without thinking-twice since Gingetsu   
had like given him the permission to enter, he opened the door and stepped in   
with a cup of coffee placed on a silver tray.   
  
"Here…" He put it inches away from Gingetsu's paper works to avoid mess if ever   
it will spill, oh heaven forbid. Then, he stood beside Gingetsu. "When will you   
drink it?", he asked Gingetsu, expecting for an answer to hear Gingetsu's   
infrequently heard voice.   
  
"Do you want me to drink it now?"  
  
"N--not really… It's your decision if you're going to drink it now or later… I…   
I was just asking…"  
  
No response from the older man. Lan sighed but still stayed there beside   
Gingetsu while the man was arranging his filing reports. After some minutes,   
Gingetsu asked, without looking at Lan, "Are you going to stay here?" Lan was   
quite surprised with the sudden question. It's like Gingetsu was asking him a   
question, but at the same time, asking him to piss off. But he decided to absorb   
the question, "I…" Certainly, Lan wanted to stay there with Gingetsu. He wanted   
to answer 'yes' because he knew that if he would, Gingetsu will let him. But at   
the same time, he felt that it was quite impolite to take advantage of   
Gingetsu's character. "Well… I… brought the coffee… and…", Lan spoke in broken   
words.  
  
"Are you going to stay?" Gingetsu continued, "I have plenty of important works   
here and I am quite busy and I need the time badly. Stay if you are to and   
proceed to your room now if you are not to."   
  
Lan gulped with that, it was like something enveloped his whole disposition into   
darkness. He wanted to whimper. Why? Because Gingetsu was never like that! He   
never asked him to piss off or something of that sound… it was like… something   
in Gingetsu had changed… Or none really? Was it just Lan?   
  
"Stay." Gingetsu answered for Lan.  
  
Hearing that, Lan was back to normal, but was fighting the tears. He looked   
straight at Gingetsu even though the man was not. He then slowly shook his head   
and tried to post his normal smile, "No… I'll leave now… I was just waiting for   
you to drink your coffee that's all so that I'll be able to give you another one   
right away. But since I think that you have no interest to drink it now, maybe   
later, I'll leave for now. Just… call me at my room if you have already drunk   
your coffee and you wish to have another cup."  
  
Gingetsu didn't make a reply and with that, Lan left the room. Devalued.   
  
Maybe… Gingetsu was just… engaged with his works… so much.  
  
Well, Lan thought, Gingetsu's works were more important than he was. He embraced   
that fact.   
  
Right.   
  
//My heart let me find it//  
  
Lan left him. Gingetsu didn't care so much with that. He decided to go on with   
his works.   
  
But after some moments, something struck his mind like somebody shot him with a   
gun and the bullet went directly in his brain, making him dead.   
  
…What was that he suddenly thought of?  
  
Lan. Lan left. Lan left his room and went on his own. Lan left him there alone.   
Temporarily. If he'll call Lan, he'll be there again with him. Just call him,   
and he'll be there.   
  
Lan….  
  
Gingetsu remembered… Lan was a three-leaf clover who was away from the Clover   
Project Research Lab. Because of that, his life will end… soon.   
  
Soon…   
  
Soon, Lan will leave Gingetsu. When…? He didn't know.   
  
But he knew… soon.   
  
Gingetsu sighed. He thought, in his room, Lan left him temporarily.   
  
Just at the moment.   
  
But what if… Lan left him forever?   
  
It whacked his head… his heart… everything in him.  
  
He didn't want Lan away!   
  
//… That truth makes a better man//   
  
Gingetsu immediately excavated the files in front of him, stood from his seat,   
and rushed out from his room. Unfortunately, he didn't notice that the cup of   
coffee that Lan had just gave him a while ago went stumbling down, making the   
black coffee drifted all over the table and Gingetsu's paper works until the cup   
itself dropped from the desk.   
  
Gingetsu hurried to Lan's room. He felt that he suddenly needed to be with the   
boy so badly. He felt as if he wanted Lan in his arms and never let go. He   
desired to touch the boy, caress its hair, its cheeks and all…  
  
He suddenly discovered that he hungered for Lan. That boy…   
  
When he was finally in front of the lad's room, it never came to his senses that   
the politest thing to do was knock. He entered right in, saw the teenager   
sitting at the edge of his bed, not noticing that he had arrived because Lan was   
very busy looking at the lights outside.   
  
"Lan!" Gingetsu shouted as if Lan was hundred miles away from him.  
  
Lan immediately tilted his head and was surprised to see a pale Gingetsu at the   
entrance of his room, puffing very softly.   
  
"G-- gingetsu…?" Lan wondered yet stood up and went to Gingetsu. "Do you need   
something? Why did you suddenly hie here? Is there something I can do to help   
you?" Lan queried spontaneously, a habit of him asking those stuffs.   
  
Gingetsu looked at the three-leaf clover's face then slid his reddish tongue   
gently to his lips, oblivious that others peered that kind of practice to lust.   
But Gingetsu just did that to wet his lips, expecting that the uneasiness in him   
will disappear.  
  
Now, Lan felt a bit weird about Gingetsu… like something was bothering the older   
man.  
  
"Gingetsu… are you… okay? What can I do for you?"  
  
In a quick gesture, Gingetsu captured Lan in a tight embrace, pressing the guy's   
chest to his own. Lan was obviously astonished at first, his eyes went blank and   
his mouth opened. He felt Gingetsu's chest on his own. It was very warm and   
heavy, include the cloth that Gingetsu was wearing. After every minute, Gingetsu   
tightened more the embrace. Lan felt he could hardly breath but then breathing   
was unnecessary. After a couple of minutes, Gingetsu let out a whisper, "Lan…."  
  
Lan heard that because it was whispered in his ears. Finally, the twinkle in his   
eyes came back, "Yes…? Gingetsu…?" There was so much sweetness in Lan's voice   
that Gingetsu thought only Lan possessed. The sweetness, the innocence.   
  
Gingetsu further enveloped Lan in his arms, now sending warm chills in the lad's   
spines. After several urging and hesitating inside his brain, the Lieutenant   
finally decided that he should tell Lan what he should tell and wanted to tell   
all these two years.  
  
"Lan, listen…"  
  
Lan swallowed thickly then at the same time blushed, "Okay… what is it…?"  
  
"Don't leave me. Never leave me." He said, demanding.   
  
Lan couldn't believe that he heard those words from Gingetsu's mouth. It was   
very… strange for Gingetsu to say words of that kind. Did he just order Lan not   
to leave him? 'He did, didn't he?' Lan thought. The grown-up three-leaf twin   
could not say anything at the moment. He was very surprised of what his   
caretaker had just told him.  
  
"Tell me you'll not leave me. That you'll stay with me forever." Gingetsu still   
didn't display any emotion but his words and confessions were enough to make Lan   
smile. Gently, Lan raised his hands, placed them on Gingetsu's back, returning   
the embrace. He rested his head onto the two-leaf clover's shoulder then   
breathed out the words Gingetsu needed so badly to hear, "Sooner or later, I'll   
die. We have to accept that. But I promise you I'll not leave you until that   
day. I can't stay with you forever but I can be within you forever… Gingetsu…   
that's all I can promise you."   
  
Gingetsu thought he was contented with that.   
  
//I didn't notice,   
That you were right… in front of me//  
  
Lan assured him that he would not leave him until he died. It was all he wanted   
to hear, wasn't it?   
  
The two clover's were engaged in a sealed hug, no one dared to say a word after   
Lan did just a couple of minutes.   
  
Just then, Gingetsu remembered something…  
  
/No one can live alone./  
  
/I can./  
  
He told Kazuhiko he could live alone. But now, he was kind of having doubt about   
it.  
  
/You care for him A LOT because you have already fallen in love with him./  
  
/I care for him because I was ordered to./  
  
He gave that statement and just now… he wondered if it was the worst thing he   
had said.   
  
What was this he felt? He didn't need love, did he?  
  
He was lost into his thoughts… until Lan spoke, "Tell me the same thing,   
Gingetsu."   
  
Lan was commanding.  
  
//A mask of silence//  
  
"Gingetsu… I… I… I love you…! So much!" Lan announced, tears were again   
collected in his eyes.   
  
What? Lan what?  
  
Gingetsu couldn't believe his ears. It was the very first time he heard those   
three little words spoken for him. Love? Did he ever know love? He only knew   
love from the meaning of it in the dictionary. But now… Was love being said and   
showed to him?   
  
He could now feel the love Lan was trying to give him all these times. Little by   
little, he could realize love.   
  
Gingetsu thought of Lan again. He was truly amazed by Lan's forever kindness and   
gullibility. Amazed, that's all. Again, was that all?  
  
Lan loved him.  
  
But… could he return that?  
  
Could he ever give love?  
  
Meanwhile, Lan was shocked also by his own revelation. He could not believe he   
confessed Gingetsu the words he had been hiding inside of him for two years. It   
was sweet but… absurd. Lan was like he wanted to kill himself for not thinking   
all over again before he released the words. What if Gingetsu laugh then neglect   
him? Not only that, Gingetsu would also think that he was insane and would just   
tell him that he didn't know what he had just said?! Left him there then he   
would die?!   
  
'Stupid!' Lan told himself. He didn't want Gingetsu to laugh at him then leave   
him there, heart broken into tiny pieces.  
  
Lan was now VERY, VERY worried. He felt like dying. "Die… I'll die any minute   
soon…." Lan whispered but was not meant for Gingetsu to hear.   
  
//Why won't put away…   
So we can see…//  
  
"I love you, too. Much more."   
  
"Die… any minute… why… did I say…? Die…" Lan continued whispering like he was   
unconscious and could not hear anything.  
  
"Lan, I love you."  
  
"Die… soon… stupid… me…"  
  
"I love you."  
  
"Stup--- huh?" Lan felt like something blew his cerebrum. He unconcernedly   
removed Gingetsu's arms around him then gently pushed the other man just inches   
away from him. He looked up at Gingetsu's eyes, startled.   
  
Gingetsu removed his visors then met his eyes with Lan's. Gingetsu looked down   
at Lan until they were now nose-to-nose.   
  
Lan breathed softly, his eyes were looking at Gingetsu's, confused.  
  
"You hear?" Gingetsu asked gently while placing his hand on Lan's cheek,   
caressing it in a very smooth way. He already had noticed the crimson faint   
blushes on Lan's pale cheeks.  
  
"I hear… what… I hear… you say…" Lan looked like he was hallucinating but was   
not. He was just very confused and didn't know exactly what to say or do.   
  
"You're a grown-up now, Lan. I know you understand a lot of things now. Lan, I   
love you. Never dare to leave me. I need you. I need you all my life. You're all   
I need in my life. I love you." Gingetsu could not bring himself to say the   
right words because it was the very first time he decided to let those words   
out. But either way, Lan accepted it with all his heart.   
  
Lan's tears started to trickle down, "I'm… I'm very happy, Gingetsu! I never   
thought you could tell me those words! I love you so much! I need you! I want   
you so badly! I… I… love you, really! You're all I need! Stay with me! Forever!   
Ginge---"  
  
"You've already talked too much." Gingetsu cut Lan, sending the teen in further   
confusion.  
  
"Don't you want to hear what I---!"  
  
Gingetsu slowly closed his eyes. Though trembling a bit, he opened his mouth.   
Lan gulped. He knew what would take place next. His very first kiss. A kiss that   
he assumed would linger in his mouth forever.   
  
Now… Lan didn't need to assume anymore, he would feel it.   
  
Lan innocently eyed Gingetsu's open mouth. It was the most wonderful thing he   
had ever seen. Delicately, Lan opened his lips, ready to accept Gingetsu's.   
  
The lieutenant moved his face closer to Lan's very slowly, still thinking if he   
should continue or not. He opened his eyes a bit and saw Lan's half-opened   
elegantly, lips parted. With that, Gingetsu decided to go on.  
  
Just then, the two clover's crimson lips met each other. They started to kiss very   
gently though full of passion, full of honest love. Gingetsu was still unsure if this   
move of his was acceptable to Lan or not but when he felt that Lan was giving in   
to the kiss so wonderfully, he thought that this was the most amazing thing he   
had done after when he accepted Lan in his life.   
  
Lan's lips were very thin, lovely. He was returning the Lieutenant's kiss   
spontaneously but with no mark of lust or hunger… just plain love for the older   
man. Gingetsu couldn't believe himself. He was kissing Lan! Was he taking   
advantage of Lan's pure hearth? No, Gingetsu thought to himself, no. He was   
kissing Lan because he loved him and this was one way to prove and show that   
feeling.  
  
Gingetsu's lips were pale but very pleasing, Lan thought. He gave in easily to   
the kiss because he trusted Gingetsu so much. Gingetsu kissed him so deeply and   
he didn't want this to end ever. He could die happily with Gingestu's lips on   
his. Lan felt very warm inside, he thought this was a dream and if it was, he   
will send to hell whoever will wake him up. He felt that Gingetsu had the   
ability to draw his soul out of his body with this one beautiful kiss. More to   
this, he had proven to himself that Gingetsu was returning the love he was   
giving him.   
  
Only when they felt shortage of breathing did they part their lips. Lan hold   
onto his chest then looked down, breathing the air that they lacked just seconds   
ago. While Gingetsu just inhaled some air and he was okay. Smiling a little bit,   
he cupped Lan's chin and lifted it, their eyes meeting for the first time after   
their first-kiss.   
  
"Lan… I love you. I'll love you forever. You're the first and last person that   
made me realize and feel love. Ryuu tried but he failed miserably. But you… by   
just looking at those ebony-eyes of you, I feel heaven. Never leave me, Lan."   
  
"Do you want it?" Lan said, impersonating Gingetsu's anticipated voice and tone   
but somewhat failed and that made Gingetsu chuckled for the very first time.  
  
Gingetsu nodded and answered, "Yes."  
  
Lan smiled, full of sweetness, the most beautiful smile his lips had ever given   
to Gingetsu, "Then I will."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Multiply that 'Thank You' to hundred million, Gingetsu. That's how much   
appreciation I want to tell you… I love you so much…"  
  
Gingetsu was certain that he needed Lan's lips again.   
  
//I'm there for you  
No matter what//  
You know it's true…  
You are there for me  
…And I'm there for you…//  
  
They've already spent hours expressing their affection for each other, and that   
made them realized that they had left so much works to do. They didn't want to   
stop but they needed to. They know that there would be tomorrow but they were   
uncertain of what that tomorrow might give them. Worries faded away when Lan   
reassured Gingetsu that he would not leave him tomorrow. Yet.  
  
…And not anytime soon.  
  
Lan went with Gingetsu in its room and were both surprised by what they saw.  
  
Nothing but Gingetsu's destroyed works. Coffee all over the table and all papers   
wet and tainted with brown coffee-stains.   
  
Lan was like crying, blaming himself because he was the one who brought that   
damned coffee, while Gingetsu was like hitting his head to the wall.   
  
Lan was ready to apologized-to-death until he heard Gingetsu let out a heavy   
sigh, but with no sign of vex. Then, he faced Lan and smiled, "Well, these sure   
will be burdensome ton of work. I don't think I can finish these alone. Lan,   
will you help me?"  
  
With that, Lan was sure he could jump high and stay up in heaven because of   
happiness.   
  
"CERTAINLY!"  
  
Gingetsu realized he could never live alone.   
  
Never.  
  
//…For you.//   
  
****OWARI****  
  
A/N: If you have enough time, please review this fic so I'll know how I did.   
If you hate this long fic, please feel free to send me constructive criticism or  
flames. Thank you a lot! ^_^ 'Till next time!!!  
kamui_touya@yahoo.com  
-=Kamui Kinomoto= 


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